“If you can quit, quit. If you can’t quit, stop complaining – this is what you chose.”― Joe Konrath
It’s quite natural for us as Humans to complain about everything, isn’t it? We think it’s like our birthright. It’s as tempting as smoking, hogging on Junk food. The more we control the more we do. Complaining makes us feel good and we are tempted to do it more often during every conversation.
Like how we love efficiency our Brain loves efficiency and when we repeat it again and again it turns into a behaviour. For example, in this case, it’s complaining, as we get into the act of complaining regularly our neurons branch out and become stronger and makes it easier to repeat the same behaviour unconsciously and this is how Habits are formed. Yes, you read it right and we don’t even realize and it becomes our innate behaviour.
Most often we may not even realize it and this is why you see people complaining, whining the same thing again and again. Repeated behaviour makes your brain to accept and your neurons get stronger and stronger. Hence you become negative easily than to be positive irrespective of what’s happening around you. However good it is you will not give any attention to it. Hence you will find it very difficult to accept the good side of life. There is a part of the brain called the hippocampus which is critical for problem-solving, long term memory and for spatial navigation and constant complaining can definitely damage the hippocampus and the way it functions. Not only that complaining does not do any good to health. Complaining drains our energy by producing stress hormones every time you complain. Too much complaining the body releases the stress hormone called cortisol. Hence you find people in flight or fight mode or getting defensive. The more you complain, the more you’ll have to complain about. This creates negativity, increasing your stress and anxiety levels.
If you have noticed, we as humans only focus on what we don’t want and not what we have. For example- I don’t have that big house, I don’t earn so much which I should have, I don’t have that car etc. Does this ring a bell? True isn’t it? Instead what if we say I am grateful I have a beautiful home and I am staying with my lovely family, I am grateful I have come so far in my earnings compared to what I was before, I am grateful I have my own car etc. Did you now see the change in the dialogues? These seem to be way more positive and something to feel proud about.
Once you realize that complaining is sucking your energy, see it as an opportunity. Why? Because not many people make the effort to fix their contentment. Once you stop complaining, you’ll discover newfound energy and happiness in your life.
How can one avoid complaining? Avoid as much as you can to be with people who complain quite often? For example, it’s like smoking. Ask yourself would you like to be a passive smoker. No right? You would distance yourself from the person who is a constant smoker. Isn’t it?
“Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.” ― Lou Holtz
Instead, learn to figure it out by opting for possible solutions. Figuring it out by yourself will help you be at your peak confident stage. Wouldn’t that be more amazing than been on the fight or flight mode.
Cultivate the attitude of awareness and acceptance when you do that there is no place to complain. For example, we don’t complain about things where we have no power. Isn’t it? Second have gratitude for what you have. All that you know a lot of people may want all of it what you have. So be grateful and thank God and the environment. There are people who are struggling even to meet their basics. By doing so it will help you start and end your day with a positive note. It’s just a matter of shifting the perspective and think about what will make you feel good and healthy.
Have a Clear purpose that has a stronger connection and you are committed towards it. Make that connection bigger than your complaints.
Ask the why behind everything you do. Think of all the good things small or big you have achieved so far. If you could do it, then you will do it even now the only likely difference will be the time and situation and that is ok. Take that risks and challenge your thoughts.
You must have heard about diet, detoxification etc. so why not try to Go on a No Complaint Diet. So the trick here is to Pause, Think and Respond. When you catch yourself complaining stop and ask yourself what makes you complain, are you gaining anything, is it even making you feel good about it and so on. When you ask the right questions you will get the right answers. Shift your focus to what you have and be thankful.
Know your Triggers. Get more aware and start maintaining a journal and write down all the emotions, behaviours that are triggering the response. Note what I mean here is know your emotions and not what you were doing at that moment before you reacted. There is a difference. Start writing these down as and when you notice and keep a note. This way it helps you to know yourself better and the next time you are caught in the situation of complaining you will be aware and not react.
Face Off. Let’s be real now. We can’t control the events but we can definitely choose how to respond. Problems, challenges, unwanted situations etc. will always be there i.e. today, tomorrow 3 years from now etc. and we have no control over them. But we definitely have the choice to respond to them. Face them and solve them whining over it. Wouldn’t that be a better choice?
Create a Jar of Happiness. Add more positives to your life. Create a Jar of happiness and keep adding daily a note that you are happy about. It doesn’t matter even if it is a small and simple as having your favourite meal or a cup of relaxing tea. Did that not bring a smile and peace to your mind. Isn’t it?
Own It. Bottom line is that you are one who is creating your life the way it is. Then the question is why complaint? Do you agree? The life you are currently living is the results of your past decisions, actions, thoughts. So in short are you not in charge of them? Not only this you are also in charge of what you think, what goes into your mind, what you watch and hear, what you read, people you hang out with. Each and everything is under your control. If you want something different then you need to change the ways you have been dealing with so far. Simple isn’t it?
Remember. If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, You’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got.
So make the decision to stop complaining and learn to figure out a way to create a life of your choice. Yes, you have the choice only if you choose it.
Do share your thought and experiences. I would love to hear them. Let’s empower each other. Live. Love and Laughter.